Click Movie "Review"

| Monday, September 3, 2007

I don't really have a review for this, granted that it's like a year old. It wasn't a typical Sandler movie and that's a great thing, so see it.

To end this I would like to say...the last 30 minutes made me cry like a bitch so youu were warned.

Have a nice one! And come back for my Captivity review.

Cannibal Holocaust Review


Besides giving a formal review of this film, I just want to give my general reaction to it.

For thousands of years, people have been born with the powerful sensation of curiosity, adventure and discovery. Along with this, destruction and inane purpose. This movie displayed a great amount of each. First you’re given the impression that four filmmakers were captured and killed in the jungle and are to be found in one piece by another exhibition. This was the case, and they were found – in pieces.

The feelings that surface are of anger and understanding that the natives would do something like this, something so cannibalistic to these people, because it’s their way of life. Their way to survive. Throughout the film, it has a very strong documentary feeling to it that you almost forget that it is in fact a mocumentary and that none of it is real. Then I remember reading the reviews of this movie when it first was released and do understand why it was banned in so many countries. As an avid lover of horror movies, how storytellers and directors try their best in pushing the envelope to what really pushes our buttons; Cannibal Holocaust does this in the best human form I have ever witnessed.

In conclusion, there are numerous animal killings – and I mean a lot. The worst was the snapping turtle whose arms and legs were still moving, still fighting even when its head was cut off. Its insides were still pumping with blood when its shell was cut open. Aside from that there were also the filmed deaths of the four filmmakers, as well as the hell they unleashed on the natives in the jungle that they went there to film. The end resulted in castration, rape, and being beaten to death until there was nothing of them left and questioning who the real cannibals are.

Not to be watched before or after eating, with a loved one or a hardcore animal lover.

Bug Review

| Monday, August 20, 2007

In 1971, we were given “The French Connection”, a gritty crime drama about the cocaine and heroine epidemic that swept the streets of New York. And then in 1973 “The Exorcist” was made and we all know what that one is about. Originally I was going to open, phrasing the director and his vision and then claim I’d never seen any of his movies. I write these ahead of time before I see the movie; bullshitting makes the world go around!

“Bug”, under the production of Lionsgate (who have brought us such films as “Kids”, “The Red Violin”, and “Crash”, just to name a few) rarely disappoints the pubic with the movies that pop out of there. The movie starts off with a preview of the ending, an unidentifiable dead man covered in blood in a blue room wrapped in tin foil. Right off the bat we know that we’re in for a very smart and thrilling story. It then fades to black and presents the landscape of the barren lands of Midwestern state. In the background a phone is ringing – picked up hastily by Ashley Judd; annoyed that there is no one responding on the receiver. This occurs three more times without any answer – suspicion and paranoia kick in. Well for me anyway, people calling and hanging up is on the top of my list that provoke those feelings.

Ashley Judd plays as Agnes, a lonely alcoholic divorcee of an ex-con (who has just come out of jail for attempting to kill her) who works at a lesbian bar and is introduced to Peter Evans (played by Michael Shannon), a shy son of a preacher man who is very perceptive but mysterious all the same. So far 45 or so minutes into the film, the title doesn’t come close into play. Granted I’ve seen the preview in theaters (for months) and was saddened that it was so shortly lived in the theaters, so I have a general idea of what I could possibly be in for. But am I? What are we really in for? Limited dialogue? Dead pan, real world settings of loss and longing? Slow close-ups of inanimate objects that spark unexamined memories? So far, yes. And I am not complaining.

I watched closely, almost attentively to see Ashley work her magic playing the battered woman, doing what she does best I guess (and it never gets old). And Michael, reprising his theater role as Peter has a rugged handsomeness about him that 1. Makes you want to get to know about him and 2. Makes you want to get to know about him even more! And playing Jerry, the abusive ex-convict husband is none other than the devastatingly handsome Harry Connick Jr. whose versatile life leaves us at a blank if he was an actor who became a singer or a singer who became an actor. Regardless he does them both well, and with a brawny new physique to top that.

Now, on to the good part. Yes, the BEST part. After a sweaty night between the sheets, the “bugs” appear. What bugs you ask? I really can’t say, neither can Agnes or Peter. “It’s really small. Well, I guess. What is that? It’s a fucking bug. Well I know that, but what kind of bug? An aphid. An aphid? An Aphid, it’s like a…uh-umm… A bed bug? Uh, no…yea…kinda more like a louse. Louse? Oh, lice. No, not like head lice, like plant lice. Oh like termite. No, that’s more like a tripe. A tripe? A termite. You mean tick? No, a tick’s like a flea, a tripe’s like a termite. What’s a bed bug like? A bed bug. No, I mean what is a bed bug? A bed bug. I thought that was a nickname. This is an aphid. Plant lice? I think so…” And from there things turn for the worse. I have never in my life so many times covered my mouth in disbelief. The chaotic spiral staircase of the human psyche spins so quickly out of control so fast that it’s amazing. Peter is no longer timid or careful with his words, but is erratic, delusional, and obscenely destructive to himself and it’s excruciating to watch. Agnes, though never mentally unsound spins right along Peter without missing a beat.

Ultimately they both see, feel, smell, and hear these “aphids” that have invaded their bodies and come to a conclusion that they only would make the most sense, a sense of comfort in their private hells. All in all, I think “Bug” was a great movie, a contained and the most intimate version of the 1990’s movie “Jacob’s Ladder”, a poetic story of a Vietnam veteran who’s come to a very unfamiliar home. This film was horrific and will literally bug you for days to come.

Celebrity Spotting!!

| Thursday, August 9, 2007

I've always been known to wander aimlessly though the city and take in sights, see a few things that I may have over looked, sing loudly in the streets - crazy stuff like that. After getting my new job, I have seen 2 celebrities so far.

Patricia Clarkson


Alan Ruck

I have gas at the moment. That is all.

One Great Cop, hahahaha

| Friday, August 3, 2007

“One distinctly different kind of cop movie!”

Hahahaha, I guess that’s appropriate for this 1991 cop drama set in New York City. Michael Keaton and Anthony LaPaglia are two detectives, trying to stay alive in the crime crazy city of drugs, murderers and rapists and oh my! It’s some hard work. It starts off with Keaton and LaPaglia casing this building and asking around about an incident when suddenly they become an incident and are attacked by some coozed up junkies in an elevator but still remain good cops.

Later, things turn for the worse when LaPaglia dies and leaves three little girls orphaned for Keaton and barren Rene Russo to take care of, and that’s when he’ll do anything to be remain One Good Cop. Now, I’ve seen lots of cop related dramas such as Someone To Watch Over Me, Out For Justice, National Lampoon’s Loaded Weapon Number 1 and they all touch on getting the bad guy(s), protecting your family, avenging your family, buying milk, playing with kids, hop scotch, and saving the hostages from Nakatomi Plaza. It’s all the same mess, the common story of the street and thankfully the 21st century provided us with something out of the status quo.

Nonetheless this movie had so much slang and junkie jive talk that I kept me in tears. “Super freeze, 12 hours of power!” this I assume was crack because that’s where the best sayings come from.

Heroine, nope.
Liquor, nope.
Meth, I doubt it.
Crack is the most magical drug that procures the best conversations.

Anyway, I doubt that it’s very hard to find this movie it’s only 17 years old. One Good Cop is like Mr. Mom meets Batman who works the Night Shift. Bah, I’m done lol.

Blood Diamond

| Thursday, August 2, 2007

Darkness, so dark within the depths of the Sierra Leone bush, no one is safe.

Eight years ago amidst the diamond mines held a very dangerous curse, the workers there were forced against their will to find diamonds day and night, unknowingly put in horrific danger. The "Blood Diamond", Djimon Hounsou, a man taken away from his family violently by the government is required to work at a diamond mine in order to later gain his freedom. Little did he know that the mine didn’t only flourish with the earth’s natural riches, but also million-year old virus infecting vampire bats. Soon the other workers became infected and it was up to him and Lenoardo DiCaprio to stop it from spreading.

Okay. Even though that wasn’t really the movie, I wish it sort of was because it would have been equally horrifying. Truly the title in itself explains it all. There is actually conflict in Sierra Leone about diamonds, they’re confiscated from the workers and used to buy weapons of all kinds, and then they are sifted though the system and quoted from the movie: “You [Americans] sell blood diamond too. Who do you think buys the stones? Dreamy American girls all want a story book wedding and a big shiny rock. Like the ones they see in the advertisements of your politically correct magazines…the world wants what have and they want it cheap.” I can see that to be true, an educational channel did a special on it. The name escapes me.

I digress, Hounsou’s character was captured, violently separated from his wife and children, and sent to vast and diamond rich lands to work under a bastard of a leader. And one day he finds a diamond the size of a jawbreaker, priceless piece. The leader of the regime caught him before they were all caught and sent to jail momentarily. Confrontation resulted in denial and threats if Hounsou does not give him the diamond. And from there, there are numerous explosions, towns gutted out by rebels, and Leo DiCaprio’s hilarious Zimbabwe accent.

If this movie doesn’t touch you in some way shape or form, wither it being about the indifferences in Africa, a man trying to get back his family, or white clam chowder over red – then, you are not human. Overall, without revealing anymore this movie is a must see with friends or a cozy significant other.

Cell By Stephen King

| Monday, July 30, 2007

What are the three things you would never leave home without? Your keys, your ID, and most definitely your cell phone. King notes this common question in his 2006 novel “Cell” and makes you wish you would leave it home – when it truly mattered. Luckily for Clayton Riddell, the starving Bostonian artist could not afford one becomes our antagonistic lead character is this story of cellular chaos.

King begins with Riddell reminiscing of the past while gazing at the park goers who are with their significant others and their children. Catching a big break and landing a job at a will known comic book Company, he has strong hopes in reconciling with his estranged wife and son. To celebrate, he felt that he’d treat himself and wait on a rather short but slow line at a Boston Common ice cream truck and this is when the madness begins.

Somewhere, someone releases a pulsating signal that turns anyone who uses a cell phone into a stark raving maniac and Riddell is the dead center of an uprising. Cars are crashing, “the phoners” are hacking whoever’s closest to them to death, biting, spitting, super-human strength….sounds familiar? If so, then you know that the rest of this novel is a violent zombie thriller, which the main characters soul objective is to get to his family if they didn’t become part of the “phoner” madness.

King’s attempt at writing a zombie story was I felt at little weak. I was left at the end with nothing, feeling as though if there was a continuation it wouldn’t make any sense at all. My sense of style in this fashion of the macabre would have been greatly satisfied if all and not some of the secondary characters died. That’s right, I said it. It held the premise of all zombie-like situations; such as ‘how did this happen?’ and ‘how can they be stopped?’ But King created a loop hole, throwing out all the redundancies and giving them telekinetic powers. Wow, good one. Like we’ve never seen that before (Carrie, Dreamcatcher, the list goes on). I, as a writer, know that you have to have some kind of niche, he definitely has that but mixing it up doesn't hurt either.

Immediately the story turns for the obvious, as strong willed as Riddell is, he sets off to find the people whom he cared for the most, parting from his friends and a few drifters. All in all, I felt this book could have been better. The dialogue was weak; the characters had no character, the zombies; though terrifying became tame too quickly, and the Altoids plug was made in extremely bad comedic taste. My recommendation is to wait for the movie, but lets just hope Eli Roth doesn’t muck it up anymore than it already is.

The Night That I Didn't Want To End

| Sunday, July 29, 2007

Hey there! It’s Carrot here telling you about the best night ever that I had last night….MY BIRTHDAY!! So as not to turn this blog into a live journal I will slyly give reviews of all the places I stopped at during my night of debauchery! (P.S. – no movies involved)

For hours, I nervously awaited the arrivals of my boyfriend and friends, hoping all of them would show. And they all did! The night was planned flawlessly, or so I had thought. Our first stop was at “Moon House Restaurant” on 67 Bayard Street (between Elizabeth St & Mott St) in Chinatown. Though not difficult to find, sifting though the hoards of tourists that rape Canal St., walking though the cross streets never fail when you want to point A to B without “MovieDVD” whispered in your ear 10 times fast. Once we reached the restaurant, to my surprise (well not really) it was very small and I was glad that there were proper accommodations for me and my 9 homies. The food was delicious and very affordable with more than generous portions for us all to pick off of from each other. And there we regaled about school, the professors and the other assholes that we’re so glad we will never see or hear from again. And also this was a grand time for me to open up gifts and cards. From my jolly Irish giant buddy OB, I received:

(Lied about the whole ‘no movies involved’ HA! And I will review this one very soon)

After the bill it was on to bars and drinking myself stupid at an affordable price. Trekking around the meat packing district of Manhattan, my plan to go to “The Village Idiot” was horribly spoiled when coming under the realization that it was closed down….years ago. But alas, I had a back up bar called “Mother” that was just a block away. Again I was bitch slapped by the pathetic means of an outdated algorithmic system that have workers that I assume are paraplegic, deaf, blind, and dumb. Feeling so hurt and embarrassed I constantly apologized to my crew and knew a great place called “Corner Bistro” on 331 W 4th St., and the great thing about the village are the streets because we went from W14th to W4th is two blocks flat! In the distance, I shuttered in fear when I saw from the small window that the bar was full, $2.50 beer wasn’t on my menu for tonight I guess. Another suggestion I insisted was “The Cubby Hole”, a lesbian bar, located around the corner. The chances of all of us getting in may have been slim since 90% of us were guys. But an enlightened eaves dropper suggested a place with “cheap” beer called “The White Horse Tavern”. Where this is, I do not know or care for two reasons: the guy at the door was an asshole and the beer was not cheap at all. Our party, with our heads low preceded an exodus from the Asshole Tavern.

But what’s this? A bar across the street….empty?? Yes it was, very empty. We all sat down, quietly at first, feeling awkward about just how much this is going to run us up. Moments passed and the bar turned out to be the gift I was truly waiting for. At “WXOU Radio Bar” on 558 Hudson St. (between Perry St. and W11th Ave.), our barkeep Duncan was hospitable and entertaining while serving us shots, birthday shots and more shots. Though the prices weren’t all that much different from “The White Horse Tavern”, the aura around the place was a thousand times better. I was one satisfied customer.

Barely walking strait we proceeded to find the mysterious bowling alley that I had just that day found out about. Thankfully Duncan had gone there and it did exist. Since I was the only one with the address and the only one who knew their way around Manhattan, I did not want to fail like an ass and get all my friends lost in the city like some bad Warriors remake. Along the way there were laughs, adult swings, and a plant that burned like battery acid. After grabbing a quick bite, the bowling alley jumped out at us and I was ecstatic. Unfortunately the first time around we couldn’t get in because not just one of us but a few of us were too inebriated to enter. Scratching my head, I couldn’t think of anything else to do! Once that happened half of my group decided it was time to depart, we said our good nights and thanked them for the amazing night. Ten seconds later, I scream “LETS GO BOWLING!”, and we started back on the busy streets of the Manhattan night to “Bowlmor Lanes” at 110 University Place (between W12th & W13th). Riding up in the man-operated elevator, we knew that this place was going to be good. So good that we had to wait 30 to 45 minutes for a lane to be free. To pass our time we told some jokes, watched some ESPN and ate abandoned pizza and buffalo wings from a near table (the buffalo wings were awesome, I’m giving a thumbs up on that one). Once our number was up we got to bowling. Blondie was on our sides, letting us hit a nine out of ten an odd number of times in a row. Once our second game was up, it was time to pay and go home. Still tipsy at this time, waiting for the subway trains in NYC is worse that waiting for test results for a cancer screening at the bottom of a volcano. Once they did come, we said our goodbyes, and I again thanked them for the great night.

And now here I am, at my desk typing this not even hung over. Sore from doing god knows what (not that!), congested (?), and one year older! So thank you all again who celebrated with me and can’t wait to celebrate some more!

Recap of locations:

Moon House Restaurant

67 Bayard Street

(between Elizabeth St & Mott St)

Corner Bistro

331 W 4th St;

(between Jane St. & 8th Ave.)

WXOU Radio Bar

558 Hudson St.

(between Perry St. and W11th Ave.)

Bowlmor Lanes

110 University Place

(between W12th & W13th)

Movie review of "Are You Scared"?.....Hell No

| Wednesday, July 25, 2007

"Two years I've been searching. Two years I've been waiting. Two years I've been planning."

Really? Should have thought of something better than this pile of horse shit.

"Are You Scared?" is the story of 6 strangers trapped in an abandoned warehouse by an unknown captor, but their reason there is quickly explained by the fact that some previous months ago, they all entered into a reality show with the same title. First of all this is hardly the proper title for this movie. A better one would have been "This not a total rip of 'Saw' series, the ending is 10 times more different". If only I were lying.

It begins with a girl chained and handcuffed walking through a dark corridor, talking to someone unseen who has a deep and raspy voice. He tells her that if she doesn't finish a game in 60 seconds, she dies. At that very moment, I totally knew what I was in for. One guy who tries to be the hero, an alpha-female, the cry baby, the stereotypical black guy, and the Olsen twins. Every single death scene echoed a death scene out of “Saw”. Though there is no crime making a movie like this, there should be a crime with dragging an original like "Saw" through the mud, dipping it in tar, wrapping it in barbed wire and then tossing it into the deep sea.

This movie wasn't attention grabbing in any aspect, I became constantly distracted and uninterested in what I was seeing. Hell even hearing it was torture. The constant screaming, crying and yelling almost forced me to turn it off, but if I did this would have never been written. Typically the story of a psychopathic wife beater who was set aflame in bed by his battered wife was done already, it was called “The Burning Bed” and no one else was involved or killed. Leave it to life time to tell this kind of story! So consider yourself lucky that I warned you before you rent this at blockbuster because "Are You Scared?" doesn't do it anything but waste your time.

Hello :-)


Hello, just to start things off I would like to tell you a few things I'll be doing here. I won't be writing 100% movie reviews. I also love to talk about TV shows and the like from time to time. I have the tendency not only to rip movies a new one, but to also give away certain things. It's not generally my style but I will give a spoiler warning before you read them. I really hope you enjoy and I'm open for any comments of questions.

I'm here to give you the heads up before you waste 2 hours of your life. I'll do that for you.