Why? Because. Part 2

| Thursday, April 30, 2009

I forgot about Ping Pong Hockey. That was in my dream as well. The field was on an ice rink and all the players had paddles.

It's probably becoming an Olympic sport as we speak.

Why? Because.


From as long as I can remember, I've always had a strong hatred for the word "because". Lets start from the beginning:

Middle English because that, because, from by cause that
14th century
1 : for the reason that : since 2 : the fact that : that

Now, we've gotten a clear definition of this asinine...conjunction let's categorize how it falls into the universe. From our youth and many youths in the past, questions develop that are just too hard to answer. So we go to someone who knows the answers. But that's not enough, dependent on the question there is almost a 95% chance there will be a "Why?" shot back for more answers. Then, it happens. "Because..." Exposure so early to a word shouldn't be used with such beguiling hopes of an absolute refutation. So now we know that when there is a question and an answer is given, it is right because it is right.

Lets skip ahead to pubescent years, the years of rebellion and self-exploration. The years of, quite frankly "not giving a fuck". (*please note, these feelings do extend to early and later adult years. Or for some, their entire lives.) "Because" is wrathfully objected during this time, it 100% of the time interferes in this period. It's used to "fuck up one's shit" on a psychological level. For example, "Why can't I go to Michelle's house (to do drugs and have underage sex without you knowing)?" - Response "Because, I said so." Maybe they can read between the lines, predict the future, or just fucking crazy. Murderous rage congests the young mind at this time and for some time afterwards.

It sure did mine.

But that's not the point of this. I rambled on in this context that I steered away from the real reason of this tantrum.

I had a dream this Thursday morning. I arrived back from a journey I have no recollection of. Coming home, I was happy to see my boyfriend; it had been some time since I'd seen him. Upon my arrival it was announced that he was currently with another, and he himself was with child. Yes, like that Schwarzenegger movie minus the science and the utter ridiculousness. I too was confused with this situation. Even more so when we had sex, I didn't know what the hell to do. Afterward, a group of..."people" including him and myself went on some sort of adventure. I cannot go into details of where or what we were looking for, in the end I had to secretly depart. I was caught by a fellow journeyman as I was making my leave asked "Why?" and all I could say was, "because..."

I was so hurt and confused that I was hyperventilating in my sleep, craving a cigarette.

Why did I dream of the man I love with another and pregnant? Because.


| Monday, April 20, 2009

Soon, my main squeeze, a co-worker and his wife will be front and center seeing Adele perform live. I am beyond excited at this point.

Recently, I had a dream. The beginning is unimportant because I don't remember it. But I'll fast forward to the part that made me tear in my sleep. I was in labor, my second half was a bit tense to come in and witness the magic so we communicated by cell phone.

I'm pleading and crying, "You don't have to watch, but I want you to come inside." Moments pass and I have the baby while he's by my side. It's a girl. I'm holding her in my arms.

I'm so taken about by the miracle in my arms. So in a room alone, I softly begin singing:

"Tell me to run and I'll race,
if you want me to stop I'll freeze,
and if you are me gonna leave, just hold me closer baby,
and make me crazy for you.
Crazy for you."

I awoke in tears because that had to be the cutest thing I have ever dreamed in my life.

Music Sometimes Makes the People Come Together

| Wednesday, April 8, 2009

I'm in the middle of a film called "Control", a documentary of the English post-punk band Joy Division. I gotta tell you, I really like it.

For those of you who don't know (neither did I until I heard "Love Will Tear Us Apart", which I heard for the first time in another movie called "Series 7: The Contenders". A mock film making fun of reality TV shows. And as well at the time, I thought it was The Cure singing it...) this group was at it's peak during the 70s and into the 80s, but tragically ended with the suicide of the lead singer Ian Curtis.

In the film, Ian is portrayed as a wise, risk taker that does what is best for him. He knew what he wanted and worked effortlessly to get it. His songs were deep, poetic and expressed his and your feelings in every surge of electricity shot out of him on stage.

My favorite song by Joy Division would be a scene in the recording studio, and he sang:

"Mother I tried, please believe me.
I'm doing the best that I can.
I'm ashamed of the things that I've been put through,
I'm ashamed of the person I am...
Well if you could just see the beauty,
these things I can never describe.
These pleasures away with distraction.
This is my one lucky prize. Isolation."

The rest of the story can be read on Wiki to how his life met a tragic end at such a young age.

I for one cannot describe what it was like to be in his shoes.

So, enjoy some Joy Division

At the end of the rainbow

| Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Life, though I am not one to talk about it, has passed me by and has left a scar so deep that I could not even explain. I have a selective memory, some may call it that. I call it 'being able to live with myself for the mistakes I've made". Some were large, many were small. But now it's beginning to affect my everyday life. I'm at a point where I've forgotten what I ate the previous day, what I did the previous weekend, and what I was in my other life's. I consider my previous life's to be the early stages of my life. And I barely remember them.

I cannot make this any clearer, I am not alone in this. I will be sooner or later. Will I remember?

And now for the main event:

There are some things you just can't miss


Well, shall we?

I've just gotten through watching a movie called "The Adventures of Mark Twain" and I gotta tell you it's very good. I for one did not grow up reading his works nor the theatrical versions of them, but I digress. This claymation feature starred Huck Finn, Tom Sawyer and Sally Phelps who stowaway on Mark Twain's air balloon/rocket/boat thing that is going en chase of Haley's Comet for the soul purpose of ending his (Twain's) life.

*GASP* OMG you mean to tell me a Mark Twain, one of our most literary genius' of all time wants to kill himself by flying into a Comet? And bring 3 innocent (fictional) children with him?!

Well, yes. But not really.

Along the way Twain expresses his deep love of life and the fading in which caused him to make he decision to chase Haley's Comet. Crack-pot? Maybe. Depends on your perspective. The Diary of Adam and Eve, The Mysterious Stranger, and another about a friend of his going to gay three-headed alien heaven (accidentally) come up. *I personally love the "Mysterious Stranger", the story of the Angel Satan. Not really one for the kids, but a goodie.

In closing, I deeply love this movie because of his wisdom. Though it maybe fictional or not, I loved every minute of it. It's really old. I doubt you can find it at the video store but have fun looking it up.

Here are a few clips via Youtube:

The whole movie is there too!
http://www.youtube.com view_play_list?p=EFF42B92EBD8C2AB

And please...Vote for me!! It's free to sign up :)
My site was nominated for Best Entertainment Blog!

I got it!

| Friday, April 3, 2009

I've decided to go with Mister Mister "Broken Wings" I loved that song in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City.

I just hope it wakes me up!!!

And just for you...